"I saw that movie, and it changed my life," she said. But she didn't say it jokingly which would have been fitting for the conversation. She said it sincerely, quite matter-of-factly actually. "For the first time, I felt understood. Like there were other people like me in the world. There were these weird people who liked all these weird things, and that was the first time I knew I wasn't the only person like that."
I knew exactly where she was coming from. About a month ago I had a similar kind of experience, it wasn't a first... just the first in a while... oddly enough she was there for it.
We were sitting out in front of the bar we all go to on Thursdays. This particular Thursday there were five of us tops. Conversation came quickly and I sat and listened to her give a defense for idealism, "Martin Luther King Jr. was an idealist, he changed things." And as the conversation moved to lighter things, we all considered the question, "Could any bands of our generation have the kind of longevity as the Beatles, or Zeppelin?" "Maybe Nirvana," she says. The conversation meanders on, hitting on this and that, never really settling anywhere for too long. In conversations like that, thoughts move quickly. They're fluid. And as all these thoughts flowed from my mind out into the conversation where they were either met as friend or foe by other former thoughts, there was one that stayed firmly fixed, "I feel understood. I'm not the only person like this." Time and again the things she said, were the exact same things that I was about to say... I wasn't alone in my thoughts, and that was refreshing.
Loneliness sucks... that is in fact a true statement. Its biblical... "It's not good for man to be alone." People in college ministries have a lot of fun with that. Really "witty" guys ask out girls during meetings and quote that scripture. Everyone laughs and thinks that guy is so clever. But they laugh because the heart of that statement, and even the sentiment of that spiritual Casanova on stage hamming it up for a date, resonates with them... It is indeed not good to be alone. That truth is embedded in our hearts, like it or not. We feel the weight of it without thinking about it. But its deeper than just asking girls out, or being asked out right? Sure there's got to be truth in that statement on some romantic, marriage kind of level, but even more simple than that, just on a social level, emotionally platonic, feeling like you're alone in the world sucks.
Well of course that's nothing new, but lately I've been noticing a something else. In those rare occasions when your loneliness is challenged, when you're met with the possibility that there are others like you, something interesting seems to happen; something wonderful. Hope springs. But that's not all that happens, at least not in my experience. That hope that wells up, well, it's not alone.... it seems to consistently be accompanied by disappointment and sometimes even pain.
Today, I'm blatantly ripping off This American Life, a radio show that I'm a huge fan of, so our theme today: Hope and Disappointment. Where there is hope, will disappointment naturally follow? If so why is that? Where does hope come from in the first place, and what causes disappointment? As is typical, I'll be bringing you a couple of stories related to this theme. Act 1 - "The keys of Point Breeze," a story of a recent conversation I had with a good friend of mine who has just moved to Philadelphia. Act 2 - "Dude, where's my church??" The story (hopefully abbreviated) of my experience of being drawn in to the church that I'm currently a member of, and how in the two years that I've been there so much of what drew me in seems to have gotten lost, though I hope I that's not the case.
A disclaimer about both of these stories... they involve other people. I am by no means trying to speak for them or tell their stories for them (though I hope to be accurate in my accounts of what people say)... Im just attempting to recount my experiences of conversations / events, and by doing so explore this idea of hope and disappointment.
The stories are long so I'll do multiple posts.... and I actually will post all of them.
Hope its worth your time.
