I learned a new blog trick today

This is what I do when Im bored at work...jack movies from the internets, then add stupid stuff to them. Hope you enjoy it.

How do you get an elephant in a SafeWay bag??

...just take the f out of way and put him in the middle. Wait...there's no f in way!!
Yep that's what I said, "NO F'N WAY!!" But I said it slightly under my breath as my heart headed toward my feet....and I didn't abbrieviate anything.
I had this uneasy feeling all yesterday afternoon. Its strange. I mean it happens enough I suppose, as much as anyone else as far as I can tell, but yesterday I was especially uneasy. I didn't have much to do at work so I just looked at houses online. (I'm thinking of trying to buy a house.) I found one that interested me over in Avondale. Its probably less than a mile from work. So after I got off of work going over there was all I could think about. I tried to occupy myself by thawing some chicken for dinner and playing guitar and dragging my feet around the apartment, but it didn't work. At 5:24 I was waiting at the redlight at university and 29th. I went, found the place, got out and looked at it; smaller than I imagined, but actually kinda cool. Well I was already out of the apartment, the hard part was past, so I figured I'd just drive around over in that area to see if I could find anything else for sale. I drove around few block area once and ended up agian at the house I saw online. So I drove again trying to take a different turn. I did. As I drove up 6th Ave. I saw a huge house with a for sale by owner sign on it. I turned quickly so I could swing around and take another look. I pulled up to the stop sign, the house now on my left. And across 6th standing on the corner with a dog in her arms stood Micah Martin, not only noticing me also, but waving for me to come over and talk to her.

So I eased my car through the intersection, looking neither to my right or to my left, only straight ahead, and then an 18 wheeler smashed the side of my car and my face slid across the pavement, leaving a trail of blood and intestines in front of the house that was so cool....nope, thats kinda what it felt like at first though. I did start to ease through with out looking, but then the rules that all good motorist follow came rushing back to me and I stopped before pulling out infront of some old lady. Once both lanes were clear I reluctantly proceeded across the road to see how all this was going to turn out.

Well Im not good at long stories being told in short form, and most people who will read this may not know the history between Micah and myself, but to sum it up....we talked. We talked for an hour or so I suppose, maybe two. I could tell she was pretty thrown off by the whole thing, she was real talkitive...thats how she gets when she's nervous / uneasy. I wasn't. I was pretty quiet, withdrawn, and found myself searching for stuff to say that would make me not look stupid, thats what I do when I'm nervous / uneasy. Even taking into account the complete and total weirdness of the situation, it was pretty normal. She wanted to know about all the people she'd made friends with that after we stopped seeing eachother (or whatever we called it) she hadn't gotten to see anymore. I didn't have too many questions for her though. More stuff that I'd like to say, an apology mostly. Anyway, she asked me to call her. I know I will. When you stop seeing someone people always say, "I'd still like to be friends." Its common break up courtsey. But now, almost 4 years later, I think I actually mean it. I was absolutely freaked out when I saw her and walked though the house that she and 3 girls are renting, and sat on the couch and played with the dog with her. But Im glad I could, more than glad, thankful. Its not often that people get the chance to put the past behind them, forgive each other, and be friends. I think we can do that.

live where i live....or in the vacinity

Here are some links for all my apartment shopping friends that happen to be bored enough to read my blog.

Southside apartments....this site is very helpful lotsa cool places that aren't on other sites.

AL.com...not a ground breaking resource, but has lots of listings and they're easy to browse through.

Well I thought I had more than two sites, but thats all I got. Everything else I remember looking at were generic sites that can find you an apartment anywhere in the country like in one of those megaplexes out 280 or something like that.

my job rules.

About a month ago I guess, I got some business cards. They're pretty cool, they have my name, and title (editor/compositor) and email and whatnot on them. I give them to my friends to let them know that Im important. Other than that I just keep a few in my wallet to drop in fish bowls that offer hopes of free lunch. Well today my ship has come in. I've never won anything my whole life...that I can remember, until today. I got the call and was told that I have an all expenses paid trip to Los Amigos Mexican Restraunt for me and 9 or 10 of my friends. I can taste the melted cheese and red burrito sauce even now. I don't know if I should invite co-workers or friends. Im not sure that my co-workers would care to eat free cheap mexican with me. Im pretty sure my friends would. We'll see.

Also my shower at home has been clogged for a while, and hopefully right now my land lord has a long metal thingiee stuffed down some pipes pulling the grossness out of the water's way so I can shower at home soon. But last night I took a shower here at work. It was kinda like in the movie Elf when the cute girl is in the shower and Will Ferrel discovers her and sings along. I was that cute girl, except I wasn't singing, no Will Ferrel, it was night and not morning, and the shower here is much smaller than the one in the movie. But nonetheless I took a shower where I work, which is the place that I also get paid to deficate, and check my email, and blog about it all, and am provided with business cards so that I can get free mexican lunches for myslef and 9 friends, and start the cycle of gettin' paid for all of the above all over again. I have the best job in the world.

a strange feeling...

Feeling a little strange, nothing really, but just thought I'd write a few random thoughts.
I ate breakfast with an old friend this morning. It was mainly so he could ask me to be on his support team (he has to raise his own salary). He's going to work with a campus ministry in Orlando. It was good. I was honest and told him that I'm mixed about this ministry and just a few months ago told another friend (asking for support) that I couldn't happily support what he was getting in to. The thing is, I really love both these guys, but have a hard time seeing eye to eye with what they are getting in to. I agree with the big picture...living intentionally, and giving your life to others. I just feel a deep disconnect in how I see that fleshing out and how this ministry fleshes that out. And I suppose I just can't come to terms with the possiblity of there maybe being more than one right answer. Now I feel like either they are right, or I am...or a third more probable option, neither of us are. (I tend though to lean toward me being right...but that's another story) Who knows?? I need to gather my thoughts better before writing more about that disconnect, but I will one of these days. For now more random stuff.

So I couldn't take a shower last night because my tub is super stopped up. A friend came over and we successfully pushed the clog so far down the drain, by the relentless force of an hour and a half of straight plungering, that now when I brush by teeth water comes up the tub drain. Kind of a neat party trick I suppose, but not fun when it comes time to clean up after those few hours of plunging. Im going to call the land lord in a few minutes and see if we can't get it taken care of, or at least pass the problem to him...after all Im just renting the place, why should I care that the tub doesn't drain.

Also I added a link to my links tab on this joker. My buddy Allen does some rad stuff and he has a flikr page so everyone can go look at that junk. So click on Allens Flikr for some sho nuff bad-assed-ness.

Ordinary Life, and how Ive come to love it

I guess its a weird place to be, single, just out of college (or out for 2 years in my case), working, and trying to figure out your role in the world. It seems that the idealism of college, and college ministry, make it an even harder place to be...assuming that while in college one was involved in such a ministry.
I saw a friend of mine who now lives in Brazil a few nights ago. He was asking me about life and how I was doing. We hadn't talked in some time and the last time we did was in an email in which I was extremely pissed about my work and life situations. I was hating my job, the ethics of it. I make commercials that attempt to cohearse (probabably spelled wrong) people into buying $42,000 automobiles. Not something that I really enjoy the thought of. (another post I suppose) But at that time also I was going to a church where I didn't feel like I fit in. I was angry all the time. I was living over an hour from where I work. Trying to live out two lives really. One with friends at the University I'd just graduated from, and another at work with people I cared little to nothing about. All that coupled with the idea of a possible escape to another more palletable culture, and a greater since of purpose, life in Brazil as a missionary, seemed to be a great idea for me....thus the email to my friend who is the missionary there. Well obviously when he heard my answer to his "How's life?" question he didn't really understand how I wasn't so angry anymore. To be honest remembering that email and where he and I had left our conversation so many months ago I didn't understand either.
I suppose my story is just that...mine...and it can't be anyone elses, no matter how much I wish to conform my friends stories to my own. Its like Aslan told Shasta when he was asking why Aslan had hurt his friend Aravis. Aslan says, "Im telling you your story, I tell no one any story but their own." And thats kind of a beautiful thing. Its actually the exact same thing Jesus told Peter on a beach a long time ago. But I digress. But again, thinking about why Im not so angry and discontent with my life these days has been good for me. I have to keep going back to the idea that I feel at home now. There's something very unsetteling about wanting to be somewhere else. And really all that desire is, is a choice. I chose to stay in Birmingham, to make it my home. Im not wondering if its better somewhere else, or if I'll be happy somewhere else. I just made up my mind to stay here, and be committed to being here. Living, working, worshipping, and praying for the peace of the city, while working toward it.

29:7 And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to Jehovah for it; for in the peace of the city you shall have peace.

That verse has become very close to me. I understand its in the context of the Babolonian captivity and all that but still. It's pretty fantastic. To work toward the peace of my city makes me happy. Working the old 9-5 then retreating back to the suburbs where I don't need to pray for peace (at least you wouldn't think you'd need to) doesn't sound appealing to me.

I guess this is getting long and probably doesn't make much sense to anyone but me, and thats ok. Blogs by nature are self absorbed. But to sum it all up. I don't feel that work fulfills me. Yeah I like working with the junk I work with and hope one day to do some cool stuff with it that will move people to think differently about who they are, but Im not doing that now, and Im ok with it. Im content I think with life, and work, because work affords me the opportunity to live, and to live in my city and work for its good. Also I think that purpose is larger than sharing the gospel and seeing people saved. It is that but its not just that. Working toward structual change in the culture of the city where I live is a very spiritual endevor. Working toward right ethical treatment of my neighbors, helping them get a fair shot at life. These are good things. I guess it boils down to a shift in thinking what a good life is. And I feel God's been shifting me for about two years now. Im sure He'll keep on shifting me, or at least walking beside me beating up some of my friends, and reminding me that He'll tell them their story later, but now I need to listen to mine.

Don't Waste Your Blog

One of my best friends has been batteling cancer, lymphoma to be exact, since June. He had actually been cleared about two weeks ago. The doctors said he was clean, no cancer and he had even been working for about two weeks prior to that report from the doctors. All of that came after several complications, so to seem him doing so well was so great. I don't think I'd ever seen him so happy. I guess one looks particularly lively after being close to the other end of the spectrum.
Well recently he started feeling bad and come to find out the doctors say that the lymphoma has moved into his bone marrow. This means more chemo, and a bone marrow transplant. This is more serious than last time and has come to everyone, it seems, as quite a shock. Im not sure how anyone is handeling it. Ive kind of been reeling since I heard and still can't quite wrap my hands around it.
I emailed a good friend of ours in Brasil to tell him about it, at my friends request. Emerson in turn emailed several of his friends there in Belo Horizonte to begin to pray for his friend. One of Emerson's friend's sent him an article from John Piper (big shot pastor, thinker, theologian, and recently diagnosed cancer patient) called, "Don't Waste Your Cancer." Emerson forwared it to me and asked me to read it and think if it would be appropriate to send to our friend. Apparently he had some issues with it and wanted a second opinion. (He didn't choose me because Im particularly smart, but I speak english better than he does)

The article consisted of these points:

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift
3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.
4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.
5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.
6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.
7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.
8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.
9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.
10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

I read them and was beside myself with anger. I couldn't believe that he would be so harsh as to say all of that. To think of cancer as a gift?? He can't be serious. I actually take offense to that, and I feel like I can take theological issue with it also. I think that cancer, as well as all disease is due to sin. By that I don't mean that my friend has sinned and therefore has cancer. I think that because people have sinned, humanity has sinned, then humanity deals with the consequences of sin, and one of those consequences is disease. To say that God gifts some people with cancer doensn't sound right to me. Why in the world did Jesus go around healing people if God desires for some people to have the gift of disease? Does God give millions of Africans the gift of AIDS and death? Jesus demonstrated what kind of a kingdom the kingdom of God would be by doing miracles, and most often those were healings. Maybe a better word than healing would be restoring, restoring people to a condition of wellness that they were created to exist in, pre sin, pre disease. God is in process of bringing His kingdom to reign throughout His creation. "Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, ON EARTH, as it is in Heaven." Heaven is the example, the ideal, and the earth is the place that the ideal will be fleshed out. Thats the picture that Jesus' life was painting. My gosh, to say that people are gifted with disease is to say that sin itself is a gift from God, and that God's kingdom would still include disease, and thus sin. Disease comes from the root of sin, not the goodness of God. Yes He is soverign, yes He is just, and I think this is were Piper says that its a gift. If God is soverign and all how can people have cancer and it not be from Gods hand? Well, I think that God, just like a person, (not to humanize God) is not merely defined by His attributes, but also by what He is doing. I am not only defined by my attributes, blonde, male, out of shape, looser...but also by what I am doing...blogger, video editor, nerd. The same is true with God...soverign, all knowing...but also....working toward the total and complete healing of His creation. You don't see the entire picture of what someone is purely by a list of their attributes, you must take into account thier activity.
Maybe none of this makes sense to anyone, but I just cant believe that God gifts people with the results of universal sin. That whole list is devoid of love toward someone fighting cancer. I told my Brasilian friend that I wasn't going to send that article to our friend. I also told him that I do think that our friend can use the situation that he is in to bring glory to God by the way he handles it, but also that if he doesn't handle it particularly well, if he doesn't share his faith with every one of his nurses, if he doesn't pray, if he is so angry with God that he doesn't even want to think about it, and if he doubts that God is there at all, that I think God still loves him very much and desires for him to be made well. That's the kind of God that He is, and I know that not simply because of a list of attributes but because of what He has been in the process of doing all throughout history.

(just as a side note. by no means do I agree with Piper on this, and yep, Im pretty pissed about that article...but I realize also that Piper is himself dealing with this disease and is tryin very hard to come to terms with God the very same way that my freind, and all of us that surround his situation are. I think that it is easy for Piper to view God in the way described in the list and it helps him deal come to terms with his situation. I don't think that makes him right, but he needs to be shown that same grace that I was talking about even if someone were to shut God out completely. No matter what, even if Piper is dead wrong on this (and he may not be) God still loves him and wants him well. And I need to learn how to disagree and not be angry.)

DaRicous is smarter than me...

So Ive been going to this housing project to hang out with some younger guys for about 6 or 7 months now. I go with other folks from my church and try to learn how to love people that I normally don't spend time with (trying to change that) that are right here in my community. (The project is like three blocks from where I live)

I love my church, and Im beginning to be more tolerant of some of the people there. There are a lot of folks, including myself, at church who seem to be searching for some peace, some healing from being burnned by the church in the past. So there's a great deal of cynicism...and Im a part of that. Along with the cynicism comes a lack of sincerity, I feel. And along with that comes a relaxed attitude about sin, and really, a misunderstanding of grace. Now I know not all people at my church are in the same boat as me (a good thing). Some are serious about their sin and others are perhaps even more cynical than I am. And really the cynics of my church probably are in the minority, we're just louder...it actually seems the further one tends toward cynicism, the louder one gets.

But last night at SouthTown I saw a completely different point of view. We had a speaker talk to the kids, then we broke up into smaller groups. One guy, DaRicous, said he didn't want to be in the group with the speaker, where I thought he would be because that's where all his friends were, but wanted to talk with me instead. (Another guy that comes from the church had said that he asked DaRicous some tough questions a few weeks earlier and said that DaRisous really had been thinking about them) So I asked him, "What do you think it means to walk with God?" He said, "Believe Him. Belieive Jesus died for your sins." But then I asked if he actually knew what was taking place when Jesus died for a persons sins. He said, "Not really." So we talked about what sin deserved, death, and what Jesus did, the fulfillment of justice. Then it came..."Man, I think everybody should go to hell....I mean we all sinners it don't make sense that someone shouldn't go to hell"
And at that point I knew that DaRicous understood something that I don't. We really are an awful group of people, and don't deserve anything but hell. We got to talk a little more about justice, and then a higher concept than justice....grace. But DaRicous didn't seem to understand grace. But then again maybe he's one of the few people I know that actually does.

"I'm God's child."

Last night I met some friends for dinner at Rojo, a local bar / restraunt / hipster hang out close to my apartment. I have to admit, I enjoy reminding people that I live close enough to walk when they ask if I want to ride with them. Somehow I find a little satisfaction remembering it myself. (I often wonder if I'll ever live in a cooler place than I do now. I also often answer myself, "hopefully, but not likely.") So one of my roommates, another newer friend, his friend, and I walked up to Rojo. We got there ate our food and sat and talked. Apparently there was some mix ups with our orders. To make up for it the bartender / host I suppose, gave us some free deserts; deep fried burritos with cheesecake filling. It was very nice and unnecessary of him, but we obliged to our host's kindness / ploy for contined business.

After sitting for a while chatting we decided to leave. I was ready to go actually, and I thought it only reasonable because tables were valuable and we'd been there quite a while and had recieved free stuff. It seemed our welcome was about to wear thin. On our way out we stood there and asked eachother what else we planned on doing. "Nothing," was the general concensus. So we agreed to go to the married couple's house and do our nothings together. Nothing always seems more bearable with company. Well as we were walking past the laundry matt a guy sitting there asks us for some money or to buy him dinner. I've been reading, thinking, and studying a good bit lateley about poverty and its roots. And for sometime I've felt a little softer to people who are in need. So I walked up to the guy and started talking to him. My friends kinda kept their distance. I told him I'd buy him some dinner if he wanted, but I wouldn't give him money. He kind of reluctantly agreed, so I told my friends, still at a decent distance, that I'd catch up later.

"What's your name, man?" I asked. "Cocoa." He said. We went inside, looked at the menu and he asked, "What's my limit." I just said, "Well what do you want." He chose a Philly Cheesesteak, my usual, and some Sprite. We ordered then went back outside to sit and chat. He's been through a lot. His story wound around highways from Cleveland to his Aunt Brenda's house in Tarrant, to Soutside where we now sat. He's a kinda shy guy, taked of being abused as a kid, and thus feels he's led a double life. Turns out he's gay, but doesn't want to continue with the lifestyle. In the back of my head I wonder if he singled me out because he thought I was gay. I think these days people tend to think Im gay more than they think Im straight. It actually doesn't bother me, just wonder how I can use this to help some people. Anyway we ate and continued talking. When he was done with dinner we got up and walked out, still talking. I had suggested that he try to make it back to Tarrant to his Aunts', at least then he could sleep freely. He agreed that was his best option. So he asked if I could take him there. I was a litte taken back. After all I didn't know if this guy wanted to rob me, shoot me, or do gay stuff with me or what. I told him that I would call my roommate and see if he'd go with us, and if he would I'd take him there. I called, he couldn't go. I called another friend, no luck. I tried to call two taxi companies, strike 3 and 4. Finally, we were walking around and I said, "Look man I want to help you, but for all I know you've got a gun waiting to rob me. I have to watch myself because Im too trusting and I want to help people and one day Im gonna get myself in trouble." He said, "You know Im the same way, try to help someone and always get the ass end of the deal." So we contiuned to walk and try to reason our way through this together. Then all of a sudden, "Im God's child." Cocoa told me. "I believe that," he continued. I looked him in the eye and said, "You don't have anything, and if I can't trust you, what do you have? Let's go get my car."

I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do or not, but I was sure that whatever happend, if he was going to rob me or whatever, he was going to know that I believed he was a child of God, maybe even more so than he did. Either way he was going to know that I thought he was valuable. So we got in the car after the walk back to my apartment. I drove him to Tarrant, talking all the way there about God, sin, homosexuality and how come after God destroyed Sodom and Gammorah there were still gay people, and how it just didn't make sense to want to be with another guy. (His words not mine) We got there, he gave me his aunts phone number, then supprisingly his cell phone number with Alabama area code. I didn't have the heart to question why he had a cell phone if he needed me to buy him dinner. I told him I'd call him and pick him up and take him with me to church today if he wanted. I've yet to call but its close to that time.

I couldn't walk away from him not doing all I could for him. I can't try to understand people in need, thinking that they can make it out, while treating them like they are hopeless, or less of a person that I am. I still don't know if it was the smartest thing to do or not, but all is done and all is well as far as I can see. Hopefully he can change and get a job. Hopefully he really believes he's God's child.

Full apartment.

Well got an apartment full of guys now. If only I were gay it would be a dream come true. Just my luck, such is not the case. I really wasn't looking forward to have all those folks there. Earlier this week I was thinking how much I'd like to live alone again. Im a pretty selfish guy. I was pretty much out of it the first week or so that everyone was back. I just wanted my space, my quiet, to watch my tv when I wanted and to have access to my xbox so I could play football whenever the desire struck me. But slowly Im coming around. It was weird just last night I was sitting there talking to Jeff and honestly I'd never felt more at home. Its quite the opposite of what I expected. I expected that when everyone moved in that I would have less life to be lived in the apartment. Less space, less access to the pottie, more dishes to wash, and more trips to the grocery store. That may be true but I have more life. Ive said it before but there really are things about me that only certain people can bring to life, and with all my roomates there I feel more whole that when Im alone. I have less space to live, but more life in me. Its a strange thing, but its true. We are a people that must live in commuinity, and when we do we start to really live. Im sure I could survive on my own, and next week Im sure I'll want to give that a try again, but I don't think I can live as a whole person without my friends. Im glad they're there, and Im a better person because of it.

Weddings for 70 year olds.

Im not quite sure if my grandparents are acutally 70. They will eternally be 50 to me. But they got married, or renewed their vows all the same this past saturday. Its kind of funny that to me they will always seem 50, and they've been married 50 years. I guess to me that means they are eternally inseparable. PopandGranny. Never one or the other, always both. Their service was really quite sweet. Its great seeing your Pop tell his wife that she's his best friend and he couldn't make it without her. And its great seeing Granny tell her Pop that she loves him more than she knew was possible. Its pretty fantastic really. The old country preaher that was doing the cerimony was kinda profound in the simplicity of what he said...and quite theologically estitue. He said that the goal of marriage was to establish a household, fulfilling our cultural mandate from God. (I added that last part to show how smart I think I am) but thats what he was getting at anyway. And as I looked out at the congregation, you see I was on stage putting tapes into the modest sound system, I saw so many people that had come into existence because of their marriage. Im one of them. My parents household was because of my grandparets and mine will be because of both of them. To see how many people can result from one marriage kinda blew me away. It was quite beautiful to have all the people that resulted from Pop and Granny there to celebrate their marriage with them. Its hard to imagine anyone happier than I was to see them exchange rings, but I know everyone there was probably just as choked up. It really put in perspective what love and marriage are about. It kinda made me want it, kinda just made me glad to be a part of a family. It made me love Pop and Granny more, and caused me to be thankful for them, and thankful that God put me in their family.

This Pedestrian Life

While in Atlanta I exist as a commuter. I have to drive to eat, to get back to the hotel to sleep, and then also to work after I wake up. I also have to drive 2 and a half ours to get there. I have to say though, after finding my way around the city, even weaving my way through the traffic of Atlanta's interstates on the way to the suburbs to visit a friend, I felt quite pleased with my 3 day stint as a commuter. I guess traveling gives people the feeling that they have accomplished something. I felt that way. I'd coverd a great distance, knowingly gone into unfamiliar territory just because, and somehow pieced together mental maps of the path that led me there. Taking roads that looked interesting half in hope that they will intersect with Northside Dr. or NW Merritta St. that would lead back to the familiar, and half in hope that they would take me somewhere better. Its good to find your way in and out of unfamiliar spaces.

In Birmingham, Im a pedestrain and there's something very comforting about that. Making my way up 29th, my very own personal hwy 75, then to 10th Ave south, the 285 bypass. And occasionally I'll take 28th, the unfamiliar back road in my block and a half commute, half in hopes of it being a more pleasant commute home, half in hopes that I'll find some place better to go.

Victories and Defeats...Atlanta round 2

Well, Im in Atlanta again. Seems that the only time I have things to say on here is when Im away from home. Well I was all excited about coming out here this time because I was going to get to go see my favorite band Coheed & Cambria, on Halloween night (or All Saints Eve for all my fellow Reformers) at the Tabernacle...an old church turned to happenin music venue. Well...thanks to ticketmaster I didn't get that chance. Tickets were $20. No problem, well worth the money. BUT ticketmaster wanted to tack on an extra $15 for "convienence"...f-that. Thats what I said. "I'll just get a ticket at the door," I think. "Surely they won't sell out," I think. Wrong on both accounts...defeat.

Oh well. It would have been a great show, but Im really not all that mad about it. I found the place no problem...thats a victory. I drove around downtown ATL...which is pretty cool actually...victory. And since I couldn't go to the best show of the year, I decided to passify myself with IKEA.

I successfully navigated my way from downtown to the store...no mapquest at that, and I found my way in...VICTORY. I called a few friends just to warn them that the next time that they would see me I would be so much cooler than them because I was going to buy some rugs and sheets that best defined me as a person. Well I wandered the 15 acres of Sweedish stylistic bliss and made some thrifty, yet fun, selections...victory..eventhough it sounds gay.

I got in line to pay. Then got out of line when I saw the large "As Is" room...the IKEA thrift store! I strolled it for a second then got back in the same line. Upon opening my wallet to pay for my selections, it hit me. I remembered taking out my credit card, debit card, and most of my cash and hiding it amongst my socks and underwear in the hotel...defeat. I was planning on a great night of Progressive Rock in a sketchy part of town, and possibly being mugged. I however had not planned on living the fashion concious consumer dream at IKEA. Oh well, since I didn't have all that much anyway I removed one item and payed with the cash that was intended for a ticket, parking, and perhaps a t-shirt to always remember the great Haloween prog-rock concert, that I didn't get to go to....defeat.

Further lessons from Atlanta

Well, admitedly I was kinda pissed when I wrote that last post. If one must know I spent quite some time trying to navigate the streets of ATL in attempts to reach the mecca of design and fashion known simply as IKEA. 15 acres of cheap stuff you can buy to make you cooler than all your less trendy friends who have still not heard of this wonderous place. Almost needless to say, but I'll say it anyway, I never arrived at the blue and yellow gates. I could see it but couldn't get to it becuase it was just recently built and North West Atlanta's vascular system of interstates, highways, and lesser traveled capillary roads, have yet find an adequate way of delivering blood to its newest and most popular organ.
I was angry because I could see it but not find my way to it, so I just went back to the hotel after stopping by Arby's to get a roast beef combo. As much as I hate to admit it, I really wanted to be an IKEA shopper. I was most disappointed to not have the chance pick up new rugs, bedding, and other small trinkets that "would best define me as a person" (*Fight Club)

So I couldn't be cool. I was kinda upset because I don't like seeing that consumer mindset at work in myself, but I did. And I'd worked with agency people all day. I don't like agency people. They have no clue what they are doing and really are just wasting time and money. These guys however were also gay, some of them at least. Im growing to hate the way I act around agency people. I don't treat them with any kind of love. Im really easily irritated by them actually. I fear that these guys just perceived that as homophobia. Thats not the case, I just don't like most of my clients, gay or straight. I'll need to make a better effort to treat them with love, and dignity.

Anyway, all of the above contributed to my anger toward Atlanta. I think some of what I said is true but there are good people there too, and I got to hang out with at least some of them later in my short stay in Peach Tree central.

Atlanta

I think that Atlanta was formed by people who were kicked out of real cities because they were too narrow, or arrogant. I guess they all drove down here in their hummers with a chip on their shoulder because they couldn't cut it and thats why they don't use turn signals. Atlanta is a city built from tv. Ted Turner owns it...TBS, CNN, tv made ATL. And people here have watched too many tv shows set in New York, or Boston. They seem to think that Atlanta is the New York of the south. But it lacks all the things that make great city great, while managing to hold in tact all the things that make the south so hard to bear.

change

Last thursday fall came to birmingham. That is the exact prhase that came to my head and was echoed and therefore confirmed by several friends. I love fall. I wish it had stayed in birmingham longer than a day...but I know it will return soon. There seems to be a certain attitude present in people during seasonal changes. I can't help but think that its because somewhere deep down in all of us we are hardwired to desire change. I started reading another Don Miller book. He puts is so much better than I ever would. He says that change seems to be Gods way. We change from boys, to men, students to workers. Change is good and the seasons remind us of that. Weather we realize it or not, they are telling us to change with them. I think that accounts for the special energy in people now. I want to change, to be in motion, to really live, not just exist.

"We are shaped by our experiences. Our perception of joy, fear, pain, and beauty are sharpened or dulled by the way we rub against time."- Don Miller

I feel Ive not rubbed time the right way for much of my life. Its times like these that make me want to get out and sharpen my senses with today.

Its been a while...

Haven't really wanted to write much as of late. I don't feel that its because my mind isn't active. I think it could be the opposite.
I went to Montevallo this weekend to visit Jeff. Montevallo on Saturday afternoon makes me miss Matt, Stephen, and Allen. I have to say some of my favorite times at Montevallo was in the presense of those guys. I also have to say that all of my favorite times were by no means limited to hanging out with them.
Jeff and I went up to visit Patrick. Walking up the middle stair well in Fuller always brings a flood of memories. I remember making the decision to move there based soely on the fact that I didn't know and Christians living there. I remember hanging out with Heather there, how fun it was for a time, then how quickly it all turned sour. Its funny that I can never put my finger on how or why. I remember playing intramurals, and my knees hurting so bad I could barely make it up or down those same stiars. I remember the week I called stuff with Micah off.
I think my favorite times in Fuller though were when Stephen, Allen and I had just got done doing the TV show, and it was quiet, and it was just me and that gigantic loft that the largest man I know had built so many years ago. I remember feeling like I had accomplished somehting. Part of it was shallow. Most of it was deeper. I miss being in school. I honestly considered starting back as I was leaving. I have a bad habit of casting rather forgiving lights on my past though. I think Mark Twain said, "its all together human to make a habit of remembering things that didn't happen." Im not sure if I do that...maybe, but I know I have a romantic view of the things that did.
Anyway, in short, I want the people that I loved so much in Montevallo to still be around, haning out with me in my dorm room and in the caf. Watching me do a not so stellar job playing ultimate frisbee. Telling me that the art I was making was good, or at least had potential. I want to see the art that they're making. I want to make them laugh, and hear about the shit that they take from the other people around them.
I guess that wasn't as short of a thought as I hoped I could make it. Oh well.

How the heck shall we live???

I haven't written in a while, I guess because I haven't had a lot to talk about other than how my UAB dynasty is going in NCAA football.
Recently though, God's been getting the wheels in my head to start turning again. Ive been thinking a lot about how a Christian should live in the real world. I think Ive been kind of branded with ideologies about how Christians should live on a college campus, and by "how a Christian should live" I basically mean how to live an effective life as a believer. Some of what I learned Im just starting to see can carry over, the priciples anyway, the methods look a lot different. I guess the biggest thing Im seeing is that communities need Christians to be involved with them, and Christians necessarily must be plugged into a community to be effective. Nothing really earth shattering there. In college that principle was there but the community was built for you, it was kind of mindless. There are leaders organizing meetings and junk like that to foster a since of community...Then from that people begin to care about each other and then they voluntarily spend time with each other and community flourishes. I forget quickly that for the first two and a half or three years that I really didn't feel much of a sense of community at Montevallo, but the last year it was there, and the year I was there after I graduated it was there, but it didn't happen overnight it took people investing a lot of time into it.
So now the dilemma is how do I invest that kind of time in community here in Birmingham when I really don't know anyone, and there are no leaders organizing meetings so we can all meet each other. And furthermore, few people care about building community, though at a heart level they want it. I really don't have answers to this yet, and a lot of time that frustrates me. But today I got an email from a friend in Brazil who is in the same boat trying to figure out how to live as a working young adult with the mind set to invest your life. Here is a little bit of what he wrote...

"Furthermore, I have been working a lot too. It's good to work!

And I'm trying to start up a futsal (soccer) group, to play once a week. I hope this will be a good opportunity to bring people close to Christ. You know, we can involve new contacts with us, spend time together, build a spiritual friendship... or not.. maybe we will just play futsal. But you may pray for this greater purpose. God is opening some doors..."


its so good to see other people struggling to figure out what it means to give their life away to the people around them. Its more of a struggle to learn this than I thought it would be. I thought I learned it in college, maybe I did, and now I just have to figure out how to translate it, because the language of college and the language of the real world are so different. Who knows. But the struggle is good, and its been so good for me to be involved in the struggle and its encouraging to hear other people struggling too. And who knows, maybe Emerson will get to share Christ with the guys playing futsal, maybe he won't, like he said...maybe they'll just play futsal, but at any rate they will know that Emerson cares about them and they will experience a little taste of community. To me efforts like Emerson's are exactly what Christians are called to do, and the success of the efforts isn't even the important part...its the struggle.

Holding down the fort.

Well this morning a bunch of my friends left for Thailand. Saturday a bunch more will be leaving for beach project. This will be the first summer in four years that I wasn't either at beach project or overseas. I can help but wish I were going somewhere. I mostly just want to go back to Brazil or have one more summer at beach project. I think Ive changed a lot even just since last summer and I think Id enjoy the environment a lot more this year. Last year I think I went down there with something to prove and it kind of ruined a good part of my summer. I guess though I'll always look back over years past and say to myself, "I wish I knew then what I know now." I think most people do that. Guess I should just realize that Im always going to be changing and from tomorrows perspective I will have never known enough for today, but in the here and now I know that Im doing just fine. All in all I still wish I were on an air plane or on the road to the beach rather than sitting at work playing online games....but hey, if Im going to work, online games aren't all that bad.

Packing My Bags, and Sobering Up

Well, I'm moving again. Nothing new really. I've done it once a year for the past 5 years. This time I have a whole week with no real responsibilities except for work to get all of my packing, thinking, and waltzing down memory lane done.

I guess because I don't have all the responsibilities of being in school and being an RA I can actually filter through all the stuff that I've accumulated over my college years. Its kind of funny how I've carried all of it from place to place while moving but never really unpacked it. The stuff stays packed away neatly in the same boxes just waiting for the next move. Well this time I decided to try to sort out the good stuff from the useless stuff that just adds weight to boxes that are already about to break.

Last night it was almost overwhelming looking at these various items, maps of Vancouver, Brazilian change (coins), Waffle House parafanailia, old journals, notes from philosophy or Art history classes. All these strange items that hold absolutely no value to anyone but me. I sat there in my floor, and on the corner of my bed as the stories and the memories of people and places that validate my preservation of these artifacts swirled around me and one by one filled my head, and worked on down into my chest. The time that I was granted in college has been no doubt the best time of my life. It was fun to sit there and read old journals where I was writing as if I had it all figured out...When I was a sophomore. Then to read entries from my junior and senior year that tell of my realization that I don't know anything, only to see that a few pages later I had it together again. At one point I laughed out loud because in one particular entry I seemed like I was getting it. I seemed like I was having a glimpse of clarity. There was zeal in my writing, there was purpose to what I was saying, and there was truth sprinkled thought my sentences....Then I turn the page and I never wrote in that notebook again. I guess I've always been inconsistent, probably always will be.

It was funny to me also to see the things I wrote about various girls I liked throughout college. I actually found a set of notes that I had come up with that I used in talking to the last girl that I "dated" (I was so against that term then that I didn't use such dreadful language, but that's what we did...We dated) about why we shouldn't move toward dating but rather just be friends and go on dates. I was actually surprised by the thought I put into it all, but still see that I was pretty uptight. Its funny to see things that I had done that I forgot I had done. Like writing letters to this girl because I felt like I couldn't tell her my feelings so I'd write them down, date them, and give them to her later, so she could see how long I'd been feeling this way. Its especially funny to see those things after you can't remember that you did them, and beyond that haven't seen the girl they are about in more than 3 years. Its also kind of sobering to see that I wanted to do the same thing not too long ago, but for whatever reason didn't....Guess I am growing up.