Im a pretty haughty person most of the time. Thats not a good thing. A lot of the time I think my haughtyness is grounded in right thinking, but the fact that Im haughty at all, is eveidence of a seperate but equal degree of wrong thinking.
Ive been seeing lately that I complain a lot. I see things that I think are wrong with something, typically a specific ministry that I've been involved in or the chuch I go to or Chrisitan culture in general, and I critisize. I tear down. I despise. And then I go on about my business. Ive seen my complaining avail absolutly nothing of worth. At first I thought my complaints were helping other people see the same faults that I have seen...and I still believe that these faults are legitimate...and learn to think rightly about them. Sadly that has not been the case. All my complaining has accomplished is multiplying itself in people around me. Now I see other people saying the same things that I said a year ago, or a month ago and upon hearing it from someone else I see how unbecoming it is. I see how unattractive I must have been. Its not becoming of anyone to have that much annimosity in them, especially when believers are to be a people marked by love and acceptance.
Ive met some new people this week. They are all believers and they are nice enough, but they live and believe a little diffently than I do. They wear Christian T-Shirts and go to worship rallies. I tend to think that people like that are what is wrong with Christianity and of course I am all that is right with it. Im such an arrogant ass so much of the time. So after hanging out with them I left feeling like I would probably not spend much time with them agian.
Its begining to hurt me that I don't accept others who accept Christ. I have far more disputes with other Christians than I do with non-Christians and thats sad. Im unwilling to give any grace to other believers but give it freely to those who don't believe. What did Paul say....I think it was something to the effect of "let us not grow weary in doing good, especially to those who are of the household of faith."
I probably cannont count the number of times I either started or participated in a converstaion "discussing problems" in the church, chrisitan culture, or various ministries, that have been nothing more than self-righteouss, self-justifying attempts to tear down anyone who things differenly than I do. But I honestly can't remember the last time I had an honest conversation about the goodness of Christ or the wealth of love that God has shown to His people.
All this to say, recently Ive been terribly convicted about my critical heart. Honestly its the only thing that Ive seen multiplied in the people around me for some time now. And Im growing to despise that fact.
A while back I was debating, still am, moving overseas. I emailed a friend who is already there with some honest questions. He is working with the same ministry there that I have been involved with here. The same one that I complain about. After complaining to him, and expressing concern with working with the staff here, I asked him if it was any different there. Here is what he told me.
"True, WHO you work with is about as important as what you do, but this is also dependent on your openness and humility to both be a means of grace to others in sanctification and acceptance of others as being a means of grace in sanctification in YOUR life, independent of who they may be. It is a question of community, and how you are seeing yourself. Because if you cannot accept the differences of others, then you cannot encourage them toward love and good deeds. This means that including their sin, your desire is for them and yourself to be reconciled and find the gospel in the issue."
I rarely ever do that, and Im seeing how negativly that effects the people around me. Im always looking to the people around me to be a means of grace in my life. I want to learn from people, I want to be around people that have it right so I can pull from their experiences. But when it comes to me being a means of grace to anyone who doesn't fit into my mold of what a believer should be, I write them off and by doing so nullify the opportunity to help them. All because I'd rather complain about them not understanding the great truths that I understand. When infact I understand nothing at all. When I don't extend grace to people, when I dont accept them right along with their differences of opinion on spiritual things, I take away any chance of making a difference to that person. Being judgemental toward people, specifically other believers, will never accomplish any good. At best I will have no effect on them, and typically I will do a lot of damage to the Body, and greive the Spirit.
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