montly blog update...

I love Christmas. Always have, and even though my experience of it is changing because Im gettin old, I expect I'll always love it. I was at SouthTown last night setting up video equipment so the kids could watch a movie, eat popcorn, and drink hot chocolate. At least that was the plan. What actually happened was we set up the equipment the kids complained about the hot chocolate, asked for water instead, spilled all of the above on the floor, threw popcorn in the puddles, and fought with each other. Thats about what I expected so it really wasn't too big of a deal. There were a few kids though that watched the movie (the Santa Clause 2). There weren't any more chairs so Brandie and I sat in the floor... soon enough every single kid followed, all squeezing as close to her and me as they could. Then the kids started fighting and calling each other "you ol' nasty" and other various holiday names. The party in the floor soon came to an end, and that combined with the number of kids who had either become disinterested or sent home, left plenty of chairs for the rest of us good boys and girls. So we finished the movie. There was one scene that struck me... and I know that sounds ridiculous due to the fact that its Tim Allen as Santa Clause but still... there was some kind of party where all these grumpy adults were, and Santa (not looking like santa but still having special Christmas powers) was seeking to spread some Holiday cheer. Santa pulled out a sack of presents and started calling names. The adults were pretty hesitant but after a couple of them opened their gifts, which were vintage toys that they loved growing up, the crowd grew merry and the party turned into a big ol' love fest with all the adults playing "toss across" and "rock 'em sock 'em robots." The thing that hit me was this... its wasn't getting stuff that made the people happy, it was being known and understood. Maybe it was nostalgia, who knows? But I know when I get some dull old shirt or something like that for Christmas I don't feel warm and tingly. But when someone gives me something that captures a little piece of who I am... that gets me. The reason it gets me is because that gift is something tangible saying, "I know you well enough to know you'll understand." I think thats pretty swell.
Anywho there's my december update hope it'll tide you over to next year.

some high-points from my holiday...

(not necessarily in order of fantastic-ness)

1. learning a little about Flame...

2. watching "Walk the Line" with my dad... favorite lines by far...

"Mr. Cash your fans are Christians. They don't want to hear a record of you live from a prison, trying to cheer up murderers and convicts."

"Well, they must not be Christians."

3. realizing why I have a good relationship with Pop. We'd both much rather talk than watch TV... even if all we talk about is SEC football.

4. drinking beer with gene.

5. beating super mario brothers 1 (NES) in less than 8 minutes. yes, it can be done. the guys in the video below did it in less than 6. i've still got some work to do.

i'm learnin...

or at least i'm trying. i've got about 3 to 4 feet of manuals to read. i stopped counting pages, chapters, and volumes and started thinking in terms of the trusty ole english measurement system... and that stack doesn't include the numerous PDFs, help files, online tutorials, and user forums. it's pretty daunting, but it's fun. i met a guy that knows this stuff in and out. talking with him, seeing the stuff that he'd done, and hearing about what his friends were doing, has got me pretty motivated to learn this junk. he came in to help troubleshoot our new-top-of-the-line-ultra-swank system this week. i also found out that he is a programmer and is responsible for writing the code for some of the stuff that we will be using soon.
anyway in addition to learning all this software (smoke, flame, maya) now i'm seeing that if i want to really be on top of things i'm going to need to learn 2 more operating systems, and even a little bit of programming. so as i'm learning software, i'm having to wade my way through all the ins and outs of networking and filestructures of linux (not to mention making a linux box talk to the mac's and windows machines in the place) i really haven't had to deal with it much, my boss has though, and from seeing what he's gone through it don't look easy.
anyway all in all i'm having fun and am excited about being here. i actually got a call from my old art professor yesterday asking me to consider going to grad school at Penn State. honestly the prospect doesn't sound as appealing as what i'm doing now. i'm going to talk to him a little more about it though. i also don't think that i would cut the mustard in grad school. anyway here is some more cool stuff for anyone who would like to check out.

Shilo Design... these guys rule (check out the Huff show open)
Autodesk... makers of all things that are myserious to me.



this is a screenshot from flame...look interesting to anyone?

he doesn't look a thing like jesus...

i love those moments where art and truth cross paths. i especially like it when i see that intersection in pop media. about a month ago i was watching snl and saw the killers playing some songs off their new album, Sam's Town. i've never been much of a killers fan, always thought they were a little too poppy to have any weight. but i watched anyway (after all what else would i be doing on a saturday night??) "he doesn't look a think like jesus, but he talks like a gentlemen just like you imagined when you were young." the lines haunted me for about a week. it was so clever and yet so true. the song is called "When You Were Young." a friend of mine brought over the album last night. i've probably listened to that song 10 times since then.

"you sit there in your heartache, waiting for some beautiful boy to save you from your old ways... he doesn't look a thing like jesus..."

i'm seeing just how often i want to be rescued from my present situation by some idealized person, or even by idealized situations. thats why i'm constantly disappointed in people and experience discontentment with my job... i'm looking to them to make my life better, to satisfy me in some way. but those things never will (its not their intended function... at least i don't think it is) and its wrong for me to expect that they could. i surely don't want anyone to put those expectations on me.

anyway, check out the killers' new stuff. that one song is really one of the only ones off the album i like, but you guys are probably cooler than me and have better taste in music so take that advice for what its worth.

Beware of the Bear...

So Ive got this idea for a movie...

A reanimated Zombie coach Bear Bryant is hired to coach in the inner city so can he whip some troubled youth into a great football team... but the catch is he has to eat some of the kids to stay alive. The PTA will vote to keep the Bear on as a coach sacrificing the band and smart kids as long as the boys win a state championship. During the state championship game at Legion Field (where the Bear became the winningest coach in college football history) the Bear storms the field at half time eating various members of the opposing team's marching band. An angry parent then shoots the Bear in the head (thats the only way to kill zombies) and then angry long time Alabama football fans kill the parent who killed the bear. Eventually after much bloodshed the referees restore order and the game continues. Zombie Bear's boys go on to win the state championship and dedicate the season to their fallen mentor... all while standing in the crimson stain of the Bear's (and many band members) blood. I think its got some potential.

movie blog updated...

check it out if you'd like...

one of the things i miss the most...

a few things i've seen recently...

Julie from the original Real World not the blonde mormon from New Orleans. i saw her leaving surin in 5 points last sunday night. both friends that were with me didn't know who she was so i was alone in my glee... (i'm way too familiar with this season because i've watched it untold amounts of times while editing out everything but negative statements or situations for an art project... maybe i'll explain / post a video another time.)

a little fella, no older than 6 wearing football pads riding his sisters bike, which was too small even for him, all the while blowing a police whistle. (this tops my favorites list of things i've seen recently.)

a guy, who seemed a little unstable, walking in front of my office with a wal-mart bag and a little blue bird of some sort riding on his shoulder. the bird was alive and not stuffed.

lastly some pretty rad commercials. check them out if you wish. these guys are some of my motion design heroes.

Loyal Kaspar Check out work / recent work / sampo (thats the pic) also the kayak stuff is awesome.




Belief these guys also do fantastic work.

still makin it...

i figured i'd better write something on here before i lost all readership. (i actually don't think many people read to begin with but anywho...)

i've actually written a good bit lately. i've almost put some of it on here. i've typed stuff at home and saved it on my little usb drive with intentions of sharing it, but when i start to upload it, i decide against it. there've also been several times when i sat down and started writing in this little "compose" window and i just stop half way through and log out. i guess i'm feeling more and more like i have less and less to say. i wonder if that makes any sense. i used to view this little offramp of the information superhighway as a spot where i could say fancy things and make people think that i am fancy as well. then i would be revered among my peers for my wonderful insights into life and western culture and all that. now most often, i find myself with nothing to say. there are a few friends blogs that i read... they are listed to the right of this, and there are a few that i like a lot that aren't (Susan's, DS in Southside's, Under the Mountain, and a couple others... sorry I haven't added them yet guys), and i enjoy reading what they have to say. i've found few others that are genuine. my granny asked me if id come and teach her sunday school class one day. all i could think was, "what would i have to tell them?" i was laying in bed the night after i was asked to do the sunday school thing thinking, "this time last year i was preparing to talk to a room full of college kids about Gospel Centered Community. im not sure what i'd do if they asked me to come back.

on a different note, i'll be one quarter of a century old tomorrow. so far i have a high-minded scholarly book (that my sis gave me) that makes me feel smarter just by owning it, an X-Men dvd, which serves as ballast, two hamburgers and a little less than half an apple pie to show for this accomplishment of making it one more year.

for some Sidewalk reviews...

check out my movie review blog

L A R P I N G is the life for me...

i feel like all ive done for the last month is work. there is truth in this perception, but thats really not worth writing about.
i just finished watching some documentaries at Sidewalk, the last of which was a doc on LARPING (live action role playing... for all those not in the know). two friends and i sat and laughed at people playing wizards and warriors on soccer fields and in the woods for two hours and when we left the question on all of our minds was, "what was the point?" were we simply to find joy in the communal effort of 200 or so people laughing at nerds beating eachother with nerf swords, or was there something more to it? i think the biggest thing that came to my mind, and its not an original thought... probably any thinking person there came to the same conclusion, was that behind all the lightning bolts, catapults, armor, and poisonus death spells there are people, wanting community, wanting to be loved, wanting to be accepted. i want all that stuff too. sometimes i get glimpses of it, but for every glimpse i get, i get an equal and opposite glimpse of heartache, betrayal, and lonliness. guess that newton guy was on to something. i dont mean to sound melodramatic... i hate those blogs... but ive just felt a bit beaten up here lately and i guess for one reason or another i haven't had much time to recover. even the fine warriors of DARKON needed time to mend their shields. maybe thats what i need these days... or maybe fewer shields and fewer battles.

Waiting

Here's the trailer for the short that I've been working on. If you like it check it out at Sidewalk

look mom i'm becoming an editor...

i've been working a lot. i'm ok with that, i'm learning a lot. monday i started editing another short for sidewalk. i'll have two shorts that i've edited in the festival this year. the one that i've been working on, "waiting," has really been fun. the screenplay originally written by a student at alabama, i think, as an exercise in character development, but then was entered in the festivals "sidewrite" competition. it won and as part of the deal sidewalk recruited people to make the short. sidewalk recruited a very talented dp (director of photography) to work with the young writer and get the film shot. but that never really panned out so now it's been rewritten by another very talented writer/director. (these two guys met when the writer hired the shooter to film a short that will hopefully be premiering at sundance or cannes...these guys ain't playin around) anyway long story short, my boss agreed to edit it about a year ago, but because he's been so busy i took it on. i was a little nervous at first, like i said, these guys actually know what they're doing, i'm just faking it, but i think i've done ok. today we finished the rough cut. this morning the director was out working on some other things and the dp was preoccupied with some other stuff so i was just cutting away all by myself and i turned out two scenes cut just the way i wanted to, no extra frames for this or that reason, no different angle because of this or that and lo and behold... everyone loved them. two people watching one of the scenes at different times both said it was the scene that made the film... they said it gave them goosebumps. i felt like an editor then. most of the time i just feel like i'm pushing buttons and filling in the blank spaces. it felt good to have my thoughts and emotions about this one scene translate to the viewers. especially considering the viewers. i think i might make a career out of this stuff. all this movie stuff is gonna catch on one of these days, people are really gonna dig it.

windows are great...

i love windows, and that is not a reference to pc operating systems manufactured by microsoft, i'm talking about the kind that i get to look through from my new edit suite. i've been working the new job for 3 days. day 1 i stayed until 8:30. day 2 10. today... its 6 now and i'm on my way out. there's a lot to be done, and its only going to get more busy. its a good thing (martha stewart voice). i really do love doing this kind of work and i'm loving the new company. the clients talk to me when they come in. jokes are made, people laugh, my boss is always here later than me working his arse off. its a good place. but again i like the windows. my windows overlook the prairie fire grill (think thats what its called). i can see the fosters beer sign all day long. i also have some nice trees with little white flowers on them that meet me at eye level in my second floor edit haven. the view is not always great though, today i saw a lady crying on the bench right underneath the fosters sign. she had a wedding ring on her finger so i assumed the guy that was trying his best to not deal with her was her husband. eventually he walked away, shortly she followed. i wondered what she was doing with him. maybe he isn't such a bad guy. she could be pretty mean herself. who knows? either way it made me sad for the two of them. maybe happier things will be there for me to observe and create my own scenarios for tomorrow. if not there are still the trees for me to smile at.

celebrities love their publix...

I went home yesterday so I could borrow a couple of video cameras from my parents. Yeah, they have two cameras, I have none. I think that after I got out of school and started making a living with video, they figured, "Well, we raised him and all that so we can probably make some money doing what he's doing." They bought a computer and some cameras hoping to make money doing weddings and junk. I don't know if they have or not, but more power to them. Anyway Im doing a wedding video for a friend and needed the cameras. Other than it taking me almost an hour and a half to get there it was a fun afternoon. Shelby county sucks by the way. (I have to go through there to get to Chilton County where my parents live.)
Anyway on my way home I decided to go ahead and stop and get some groceries. I have $5 off coupons at Publix, so I decided to swing by the one in Vestavia because it was on my way. I have a theory that 99% of the time Im just a single moment either behind or ahead of fate. Example: I walk out of my apartment just in time to see a really attractive neighbor close the door to her car. "Dangit... I had to go back and get that change off my dresser." One split second earlier and I might be married. Stuff like that happens to me EVERY DAY. Im cursed I think. Well not yesterday, thats for sure. I grab my cart and start the time trial. Im a fast Publix shopper. I head straight for the bread and who is standing there getting the same kind of bread that I want? Devon Walsh. That's right Devon Walsh from Fox 6 News.

I knew it was her because I'd actually met her before. Fox 6 used the studio at Ticheli's where I'll work for another week to shoot some Christmas promo junk. Screw you one moment off fate curse, I win this round. I smile and get my bread and go on about my business. But then I make the turn to go get some other necessities, and there she is again. Lucky. It was pretty awesome. I never did talk to her, but that was ok. I figured she didn't want to be pestered anyway. She is taller than I remembered, at least as tall as me, maybe a little taller.
I got a kick out of it. Devon Walsh is the second attractive news lady that I've met. I've also met Kate Mundy (42 and 21 weekends). I met her at a Halloween party, and she is very small... I mean she is a tiny person. Its always neat seeing someone in real life that talks to you from the TV. Each night at 5, 6, 9 or 10 they look right at us and tell us all about the junk that passes for news in our fair city, this time I got to look back and smile and imagine how funny it would be were I to flip out and cause a scene. That would have been something to blog about.

a few disjointed thoughts...

for anyone that I've been to lazy or forgetful to talk to in person recently.

1.) I got a new job. Its the one I talked about a few posts back. I haven't started yet, but should start sometime in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime I'm trying to teach myself the programs that I'll be working with. I typically second guess everything I do, to the point of losing sleep most often. But I've slept easy having made this decision.

2.) Speaking of dreams, "The Science of Sleep" (Michel Gondry) looks to be the most amazing movie that I will see this year. It comes out in september so that comment is more of an assumption or a hope than a review. It just looks so beautiful. All the stop motion work, the fact that everything is hand crafted, the aviodance of CGI effects (yes I make a living digitially altering video and to a degree that stuff is cool, but I much prefer hand made stuff) not to mention an interesting story. So September 15th, if it opens in Birmingham, Im there, even if I have to go by myself.







3.) I had an almost two hour long conversation yesterday with a guy I work with as to wether or not an ordinary person could design, build, and own/operate a roller coaster on their own. I say no. He says yes. He obviously cared a lot more about it than me, thus the long talk. I was pretty tired of talking about it, but seeing people who have dreams is always welcome. If anyone is interested I'd like to know what anyone reading thinks. Is is possible to build a real rollercoaster on you own?
There are a few examples, but Im not sure I'd call this an actual roller coaster. Cool definitely but not what I had in mind.






4.) I really love the Andy Griffith Show. I've watched it 2 times a day for more than half of my life I think (allowing for the occasional missed day). I googled it today to see what kindred spirits were lurking the internets. I have to say that I am a casual observer compared to the rest of the TAGS fan club. TAGS is internet speak for The Andy Griffith Show. Did you know there are 250 episodes in all? I didn't, and I am humbled. I feel like I know so much, and yet I've experienced so little.

regular stuff...

After watching the movie Me and You and Everyone We Know last weekend I've found myself turning my attention more to the ordinary, and I've seen some really beautiful things.

While watching the World Cup final between France and Italy in a Peruvian restaurant, I saw several hispanic kids running around. All I could think was, "look at all those new U.S. citizens."

Later that night while at some friends' apartment, sitting alone while one friend cooked some food for the other's boyfriend, I saw on the other side of their courtyard and young man, probably younger than me sitting on his stoop watching his young daughter play in the grass. He looked tired. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out what I thought was a cell phone. Soon enough though I saw that it was no phone he had, but a harmonica with which he put on a beautiful concert for one tiny admirer. I couldn't hear the music because I was on the inside looking out, but judging by the response of his daughter, I think I was in the presence of the greatest harmonica player living today. The concert was short lived, as most truly great things I suppose. He quickly put it away when his wife and their brand-new-not-one-day-old daughter came out of the apartment. (I know the age of the new baby because my friends went out to meet their neighbors. When seeing the little-bitty one they asked, "How old is she?" and the mom responded "not even a day.")

A few days later as I was going to work a car passed me at an intersection; a beige Dodge Intrepid, similar to my Granny's. It had a rather large American flag magnet on the driver-side door positioned just a few inches below the window through which I saw an elderly Hispanic man. He is more patriotic than I've ever been. Usually when I see big flags on cars I get angry, this time I smiled.

Just last night at a local bar / restaurant I saw an elderly couple sitting and eating. I rarely feel cool enough to be at this place, so I wondered if they felt out of place. Maybe they did and were strong enough to get over it. Maybe they didn't because they just don't care anymore. Maybe they never cared. At any rate they were there eating and I thought that was great.

On my walk home I passed the retirement home that is next to my building, and I saw an ambulance and a fire truck. Its not at all uncommon. They never seem to be in a hurry though. All lights and no sirens. Each time I see them I wonder if one of the elderly folks who could have been at Rojo with me is now dead in the back of that ambulance. It's not a great thought, but unfortunately I guess death is ordinary too.

i like movies....

so much that i made a whole new blog devoted soley to me talking about them.
check it out if you'd like. from now on that's where all the movie trailers and stuff will go.

My Movie Review Blog

summer's crept in...

I have a feeling that changes are coming. I've been talking a lot with the guy that offered me the new job this past week. I go back and fourth "knowing" that its the best thing for me. Where I have been has been a great job. The guys there have always given me more respect and responsibilty than I have deserved. Its difficult to walk away from a situation like that. But as I have thought about it and continue to think about it, I think I've lived out my opportunity there. I was emailing a friend in Brasil about a month ago. I was just catching up and found myself telling him, "Im still working the same job that I was at the last time we wrote....actually its been about 2 years now. It's been 2 years and I've barely noticed. Sometimes I think to myself that I must be careful, or that 2 years will become 20 and I won't realize it." That thought terrifies me. A life settled for. It made me think of that Death Cab for Cutie song, the Sound of Settling. "Ba Baaaa....this is the sound of settling. I've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots." "Ba Baaa," the same as saying, "oh well, this is good enough I guess." It was no more than a week after that email that I was offered the new job. Sometimes I think that the presence of a desire is the assurance of it's fulfillment. I feel that a lot of desires must be God given, and to me it stands to reason that if God gives desires to people, and then also promises to give them the desires of their hearts, as they learn to love Him, then the fact that there are new desires present in people can be taken as the assurance of their eventual fulfillment. I've never seen myself staying where I am for very long. Talking with another friend about the job move, I found myslef talking about running while there was opportunity. Opportunity doesn't often come seeking you, so when it does maybe its best to run toward it.
In talking with the guy at the new place, he kept asking, "where do you want to end up?" Though the people Im working with now have been wonderful to me, I never remember anyone asking me what I wanted to do in this business. I love the thought of that question. I like thinking that I need only to make up my mind and start moving in that direction. There is so much that interests me in the industry, motion design, editing, compositing, 3D animation, color grading... even writing. After hearing that I was interested in all those things the guy at the new place gave me some advise on possible ways to get to one of those ends. He even told me that the director that he works with the most, works closely with a colorist in Atlanta and if Im serious about going that route then he could introduce me to him.
I absolutely love working with the stuff that I get to work with and the thought of continuting to learn new stuff and work with more creative clients really is exciting to me.
I'd written a while back about the seasons. How as seasons change I think God can remind His people to change with them. I don't think that means that four times a year one should change jobs, but every now and again, change is needed.

another one...

I've recently joined Netflix and subsequently have been watching a lot of movies...hence the barrage of movie reviews. Well here's another one.

Kiss Kiss Ban Bang, is probably the funniest movie I've seen since Napoleon Dynamite. It's completely different obviously but laugh for laugh, to me, this one gave Napoleon a run for his sweet moolah. It's a dark comedy with lots of cussin', adult themes, some nudity, and a bunch of killing. About par for the course as far as black comedies go I suppose, but it's just so quick-witted that I fell in love with it from the first few scenes. If you're not easily offended, you'll love this one. I'd probably compare it to a more polished, less violent, more playful than spiritual natured Boondock Saints. And if you haven't seen the Boondock Saints, shame on you all.

the outback...

In the past week Ive seen two films set in the same time period, similar in theme, yet distinctly different in perspective. Both are set in the 1880s - 90's Australian Outback, when it was still being colonized by the British. Due to the American Revolution in the late 1700's Britian, who before this time as an alternative to hanging some of British socities worst, offered to transport the guilty to Maryland, now had to seek other locations to transport its criminals. Eventually they began using Australia for this purpose. After originally using Autralia, home of thousands of Aboriginal people, as a criminal dumping site, the Europeans decided to continue to grace, New South Whales, with the presence of more refined British citizens. This continued occupation of course led to all kinds of problems both with the tons of convicts and the Aboriginal people who's land and way of life were being taken away from them.
The first film I saw "The Rabbit Proof Fence" was a story of three girls who were "half-caste" meaning that their mothers were Aboriginal and their fathers were European. The government haveing already established that the whites of Australia were civilized and indeed human and that the Aboriginies were clearly sub-human, did not know what to do with this new half breed. Rather than rethink their dichotomous worldview, they decide to capture all the half-caste children and civilize them, meaning teach them english and how to do household chores and farm. The line of thinking was that if they could keep them from reproducing among themselves or force reproducing with whites that in three generations there would be no more black in the blood line.
In the film the three half-caste girls are taken to a training school 1500 miles away from their home, but decide to run away and try to make it back to their family.
There was a hopeful thread throughout, a sense that there was some greater power than the Europeans that would lead the girls back to their families. The people under such persicution were the people with the most determined faith.

The second film is called "The Proposition." The story again of family. This time a family of convicts sent from Ireland, left to rot in the outback. The men continue to commit crime in Australia leading to the arrest of two of the three brothers by the captian of the state police. The police makes a deal with the middle brother, that he will not hang the youngest if the middle will murder the eldest.


Throughout this movie you see the mindset of the Europeans, "I will civilize this land." Referring to the criminals as well as the Aboriginies. There were a few interesting things to me about this film. One was how the refined Europeans in many ways were the most barbarrac. They were the ones with the worldview that said, "blacks are sub-human, of a different origin than us." While the more you see the criminal brothers interact, they are the ones that have a deep love and concern for eachother, though it plays out rather oddly. They all are well read and quote poetry, one even has a small library of his own. Also the most barbarrac of the brothers lives with an Aboriginal man, and considers him equal. The second thing that struck me about this film is the one thing that stands the most in contrast to the other film, the overarching godless worldview held by each character. A bounty hunter captures the sentiment in a breif conversation with the middle brother. The middle brother asks something to the effect of, "Are you a believing man?" The bounty hunter responds, "I once was, before I came to this God-forsaken land. Now all the God in me just seems to have evaporated."

Both of these films, I thought, were fantastic, though quite different. Seeing two films about this particular time period in the same week has sparked a lot of thought in me about a group of people believing that their way of thinking is correct and then living accordingly, at the expense of others. The Europeans thought that the Aboriginies needed to be civilized or killed, so they captured them, forced their way of life on them or killed them.

I guess for me the question continues to be how do I live in light of a worldview that says there is one correct belief system by which to live?

dang...

I've heard a lot about this documentary on Wal-Mart (Wal-Mart: the high cost of low prices) and I finally watched it last night. Holy crap. I haven't been so angry in quite some time.
Of course I know that editors and directors can selectively use material to "prove" their points, but there is simply too much within this film for me to believe that in reality everything in Wal-World is hunky-dorry and the director has just found a few people and only taken the bad things they say and made a movie from it. The section where they interview Chinese workers and they tell the film makers about how "rent" for the factory dormitory is automatically cut out of thier pay, regaurdless if they choose to live there or not, all the while working 12 hour days for less that $3 per day. It honestly made me sick to my stomach. Gosh, there is so much in there that made me mad. I also wonder how many other business (Lowe's, HomeDepot, Target, Starbucks) are conducting similar business practices. I do know that at Starbucks workers can at least get some kind of health care insurance, and it seems to be affordable to the workers. Anyway, not to push opinions or "propaganda" on anyone but people should check out the movie. It at very least is good fuel for thought / conversation.


Here's a clip of the director on CNN.

this round's on me...

i haven't been drinking for very long, alchohol that is, but recently i've noticed a certain culture that comes with the territory and its different than what old pastors, televangelists, and grandparents warned me of. i was always told that drinking led to all sorts of debauchery (anyone reading this can use their imagination here). i was led to believe that nothing good came from drinking, just addictions and heart ache. true, that can come but it doesn't always and that is not the side that i've experienced at all. a few weeks ago, after the funeral of a great friend of mine, some other friends and I decided to pass some stories of our friend that we are left to miss over a few pictures of beer at our local neighborhood "On Tap" sports bar. Well after a few pitchers, several stories, and many laughs the bill came. We all reached for our wallets and began to ask our overworked waitress if she could split it. but we were all stopped. stephen, the one guy at the table that wasn't a believer, said "hey guys i got it." i was kinda taken back. that was more than 20 bucks worth of beer. i wouldn't have paid for all of it. but he did and his only response was, "guys, is a few beers. seriously." then i began noticing this type of drinking congeniality / generosity in more places. at community group jimmy would bring 12 packs and share them with me, never asking me to chip in. again at stephen's wedding shower, the invitations clearly stated BYOB. i didn't but when i got there, i think every single person there offered freely of the beer they'd brought. again at community group we ate out and jon becker after already ordering one glass before gene and i got there, sees me sit down without a beer and asks, "hey you guys want a pitcher, i'll grab one," not waiting for my answer. time and again i see a spirit of generosity, welcome, and community surrounding beer. who knew? i see it in believers and non-believers alike....beer kindness tends not to be categorized like that. its pretty fantastic i think. but still everytime someone orders a pitcher, i think to myself, "better him than me." and the more that i saw that attitude in myself the more i realize that im just a selfish jerk.
well last night david called me and asked if i wanted to go to rojo. my mission was clear. i was to join the ranks of the beer buying brotherhood....even if it wasn't happy hour anymore. we got there and i called jimmy, who lives on top of rojo and didn't care to eat but i knew he'd drink some if it was there waiting for him. david and i ordered, i made sure to go first and ordered a pitcher of stella, which i was told they were out of, so then i resorted to hoegartën. we sat down poured our beers and began to talk. wonderful conversations happen over beer, this is another fact that i'm becoming convinced of. then jimmy came. "saddle up partner" (ala jim carrey....dumb and dumber) i said as i poured jimmy a glass. good times were had by all.
i liken the whole experience to the story of smurfette. see smurfette was originally designed by gargamel, the evil sorcerer, to infiltrate the smurf colony and bring it down. but eventually the overwhelming goodness of the smurf way of life changed her, and she decided to live there and be smurffy with all the others. in a lot of ways i was brought up to believe that drinking was flat wrong, but it was good to hang out with drinkers, so that they could see the error of their ways in my righteous living, and be changed. that's not why i began hanging out with drinkers, honestly most of the people i drink with have a far better understanding of how to live rightly than i do, but at any rate it's i who am being changed by the groups of people that i've been hanging out with and i think thats just smurffy.

changes...?

well i was offered a new job today. not sure that i'll take it. it's nice to be wanted though. i've said for a few years now that the guy that's running this place is probaby the best editor in town. or at least i respect his work the most anyway. he's getting a lot more business and just has to have another guy. he needs someone with a strong design sense, experience / interest in working with 3D / charachter animation, and will be able to edit on final cut and also smoke and flame. thats a tall order in any market, much less birmingham. i'm actually pretty flattered that i'm the guy he thought of when considering those needs. i don't think i fit those needs perfectly, but i think i could.
the new job offers a lot of excitement, learning new things, and playing with more powerful toys. i'd still be doing crappy car stuff most of the time, but i'd also be doing other higher profile stuff some time too. i'm not sure i'd have the comfort i have where i am now. i have great insurance, a 401(k), i walk to work, and i'm beginning to love the people here. but at the same time this gig is kind of a dead end. we're never going to have clients that want good products, they just want it fast and cheap.
i feel connected to this place. they've given me more chances to learn and prove myself than i'd ever imagined that i could have in a first job. they also gave me a $6000 a year raise last year. granted i'll probably never have one of those again, but it makes me feel very appreciated, and i'm not sure i'd feel right about walking away from this.
but i've always said that birmingham is not where i want to live and die. and i hope to work in a bigger market and work with better clients. this could be a step in the right direction. i'm just not sure. i'm supposed to get together a reel of some of what i consider my better work and give that to the guy. he's going to get some of his better work together and send that my way. then we'll meet up again and talk more nuts and bolts. i'll keep the internets up to date on the situation as well.
as always....any opinions are welcome....unless you are my current boss posing as someone else.

just some thoughts...

Recently through different circumstances and series of events I've become increasingly intrigued by words. Intrigued by the skill in which some friends and heroes are able to craft their words in such a way as to evoke an emotional response from me. It works on all levels. I'm challenged, hurt, inspired, and disenchanted by words flowing from the people around me.

"Are there black children there? I don't want my kids exposed to drugs you know."
--a coworker.

"Am I a Christian? Are you a Jew? Did you kill my Lord? Must I forgive you?
I know its hard to be original. In fact, nothing scares me more. Because Jesus only lets me do what has been done before."
--David Bazan from "Selling Advertising"

Also I've been thinking about the value of one's life story against the next guys. I read a book, "Raising Fences," an autobiographical account of a guy that grew up in the LA projects and made it out and graduated from UCLA grad school and is now a writer. I found myself comparing my life to his. How interesting his seems; how dull mine seems. The more I read though, I started to think, "if this guy lived around here, we'd probably be hanging out this weekend." I wonder if what separates a seemingly interesting life from a seemingly dull one is simply the skill with which the story is recounted.

Finally Im a little disheartened and confused now. I have a desire for diversity amongst my friends, in the relationships that I have. I love my fiends and wouldn't trade them for anything. However Im noticing that my circles of friends are quite concentric and monochromatic. It seems to be a hard ring to break out of. I don't think its going to happen by default either. I think it will take a lot of intentionality on my part to meet people that are different than I am, which isn't so bad, just difficult to start.

DRAGONFORCE

indefinite break...

Well going along the same lines as my last blog, Im kinda down on all this junk now. I picked a good time to be down on it I guess. More of my friends than ever are blogging now, figures I'd want to stop when everyone else is starting. Also I feel that now more so than ever I have stuff that I feel I should write. To that end Im writing at home with a pen and if anyone cares to know about it call me or come visit....don't text message me on my phone though, I hate that crap.
I do think that periodically I'll still put up cool stuff that I find online, or photos or video work that Im proud of or that I think is too cool not to have on a blog.

To that end, here's a photo of a painting a friend of mine did. I want to buy it actually. It rules. So does a lot of his other stuff, including his new cd, TYRONE.



Click DUSTIN for more of his stuff.
Oh yeah, this is called, "How Come Jermaine Got Two Popcicles?"

blogs are weird...

Been thinking about just what one of these things are lately. they are pretty interesting to me. I like mine, it helps me think through experiences and lets the few people that know its here take a look and see what Ive deemed noteworthy enough in my life to write a post about, but the blog world is pretty screwed up.
We get on these things and write out the drab details of our emotional struggles in parables of sorts so as to inform / confuse the people that we think will read these things. I think blogs make people think that they are deeper than they really are. I do sometimes. I find myself thinking, "Wow, that was a profound thought, I'll blog about that." Thats kind of a bunch of bull crap though. "Self improvement is masturbation." That's what Tyler Durden says at one point in Fight Club (honestly the most thought provoking movie Ive re-watched in a long long time) and I wonder if blogs aren't the same thing. I wonder if thats why I do it, just to make myself feel better about not having many actual relationships with real people. Its an interesting idea at least. One to blog on...aren't I so deep and smart and cool because I thought of it?

a few random thoughts...

1. I don't think I'll be a home-owner this year, and Im ok with that. But I think I will live alone next year.

2. One of my best friends is sick and I hate it and it sucks.

3. Its holy week and I barely care, and I don't like that.

4. I will soon own Tetris for the NES, I paid less than $6 for it.

5. I miss this place a lot of the time, but not really.



6. Probably the best sentence I've heard in quite sometime..."Sometimes I had to use a pencil to get the poop out of the teeth." (Sentence taken from Bonnie's account of the joys of electric cat litter boxes.)

7. Ive made about a hundred Cadillac commercials in the past two days.

8. Soon enough Lightning Bolts will be up on this blog, and it will be the single coolest thing that I have ever done, or will be likely to do.

9. All the places in Birmingham that are cool and cheap to live are being sold and developed into high end lofts or condos. This bothers me. What makes Birmingham cool is the fact that its cheap enough for all kinds of different people to live. If all the cheap places are converted for rich ass hole people, the people that make Birmingham worth living in won't be able to live here. Again this is starting to bother me.

I learned a new blog trick today

This is what I do when Im bored at work...jack movies from the internets, then add stupid stuff to them. Hope you enjoy it.

How do you get an elephant in a SafeWay bag??

...just take the f out of way and put him in the middle. Wait...there's no f in way!!
Yep that's what I said, "NO F'N WAY!!" But I said it slightly under my breath as my heart headed toward my feet....and I didn't abbrieviate anything.
I had this uneasy feeling all yesterday afternoon. Its strange. I mean it happens enough I suppose, as much as anyone else as far as I can tell, but yesterday I was especially uneasy. I didn't have much to do at work so I just looked at houses online. (I'm thinking of trying to buy a house.) I found one that interested me over in Avondale. Its probably less than a mile from work. So after I got off of work going over there was all I could think about. I tried to occupy myself by thawing some chicken for dinner and playing guitar and dragging my feet around the apartment, but it didn't work. At 5:24 I was waiting at the redlight at university and 29th. I went, found the place, got out and looked at it; smaller than I imagined, but actually kinda cool. Well I was already out of the apartment, the hard part was past, so I figured I'd just drive around over in that area to see if I could find anything else for sale. I drove around few block area once and ended up agian at the house I saw online. So I drove again trying to take a different turn. I did. As I drove up 6th Ave. I saw a huge house with a for sale by owner sign on it. I turned quickly so I could swing around and take another look. I pulled up to the stop sign, the house now on my left. And across 6th standing on the corner with a dog in her arms stood Micah Martin, not only noticing me also, but waving for me to come over and talk to her.

So I eased my car through the intersection, looking neither to my right or to my left, only straight ahead, and then an 18 wheeler smashed the side of my car and my face slid across the pavement, leaving a trail of blood and intestines in front of the house that was so cool....nope, thats kinda what it felt like at first though. I did start to ease through with out looking, but then the rules that all good motorist follow came rushing back to me and I stopped before pulling out infront of some old lady. Once both lanes were clear I reluctantly proceeded across the road to see how all this was going to turn out.

Well Im not good at long stories being told in short form, and most people who will read this may not know the history between Micah and myself, but to sum it up....we talked. We talked for an hour or so I suppose, maybe two. I could tell she was pretty thrown off by the whole thing, she was real talkitive...thats how she gets when she's nervous / uneasy. I wasn't. I was pretty quiet, withdrawn, and found myself searching for stuff to say that would make me not look stupid, thats what I do when I'm nervous / uneasy. Even taking into account the complete and total weirdness of the situation, it was pretty normal. She wanted to know about all the people she'd made friends with that after we stopped seeing eachother (or whatever we called it) she hadn't gotten to see anymore. I didn't have too many questions for her though. More stuff that I'd like to say, an apology mostly. Anyway, she asked me to call her. I know I will. When you stop seeing someone people always say, "I'd still like to be friends." Its common break up courtsey. But now, almost 4 years later, I think I actually mean it. I was absolutely freaked out when I saw her and walked though the house that she and 3 girls are renting, and sat on the couch and played with the dog with her. But Im glad I could, more than glad, thankful. Its not often that people get the chance to put the past behind them, forgive each other, and be friends. I think we can do that.

live where i live....or in the vacinity

Here are some links for all my apartment shopping friends that happen to be bored enough to read my blog.

Southside apartments....this site is very helpful lotsa cool places that aren't on other sites.

AL.com...not a ground breaking resource, but has lots of listings and they're easy to browse through.

Well I thought I had more than two sites, but thats all I got. Everything else I remember looking at were generic sites that can find you an apartment anywhere in the country like in one of those megaplexes out 280 or something like that.

my job rules.

About a month ago I guess, I got some business cards. They're pretty cool, they have my name, and title (editor/compositor) and email and whatnot on them. I give them to my friends to let them know that Im important. Other than that I just keep a few in my wallet to drop in fish bowls that offer hopes of free lunch. Well today my ship has come in. I've never won anything my whole life...that I can remember, until today. I got the call and was told that I have an all expenses paid trip to Los Amigos Mexican Restraunt for me and 9 or 10 of my friends. I can taste the melted cheese and red burrito sauce even now. I don't know if I should invite co-workers or friends. Im not sure that my co-workers would care to eat free cheap mexican with me. Im pretty sure my friends would. We'll see.

Also my shower at home has been clogged for a while, and hopefully right now my land lord has a long metal thingiee stuffed down some pipes pulling the grossness out of the water's way so I can shower at home soon. But last night I took a shower here at work. It was kinda like in the movie Elf when the cute girl is in the shower and Will Ferrel discovers her and sings along. I was that cute girl, except I wasn't singing, no Will Ferrel, it was night and not morning, and the shower here is much smaller than the one in the movie. But nonetheless I took a shower where I work, which is the place that I also get paid to deficate, and check my email, and blog about it all, and am provided with business cards so that I can get free mexican lunches for myslef and 9 friends, and start the cycle of gettin' paid for all of the above all over again. I have the best job in the world.

a strange feeling...

Feeling a little strange, nothing really, but just thought I'd write a few random thoughts.
I ate breakfast with an old friend this morning. It was mainly so he could ask me to be on his support team (he has to raise his own salary). He's going to work with a campus ministry in Orlando. It was good. I was honest and told him that I'm mixed about this ministry and just a few months ago told another friend (asking for support) that I couldn't happily support what he was getting in to. The thing is, I really love both these guys, but have a hard time seeing eye to eye with what they are getting in to. I agree with the big picture...living intentionally, and giving your life to others. I just feel a deep disconnect in how I see that fleshing out and how this ministry fleshes that out. And I suppose I just can't come to terms with the possiblity of there maybe being more than one right answer. Now I feel like either they are right, or I am...or a third more probable option, neither of us are. (I tend though to lean toward me being right...but that's another story) Who knows?? I need to gather my thoughts better before writing more about that disconnect, but I will one of these days. For now more random stuff.

So I couldn't take a shower last night because my tub is super stopped up. A friend came over and we successfully pushed the clog so far down the drain, by the relentless force of an hour and a half of straight plungering, that now when I brush by teeth water comes up the tub drain. Kind of a neat party trick I suppose, but not fun when it comes time to clean up after those few hours of plunging. Im going to call the land lord in a few minutes and see if we can't get it taken care of, or at least pass the problem to him...after all Im just renting the place, why should I care that the tub doesn't drain.

Also I added a link to my links tab on this joker. My buddy Allen does some rad stuff and he has a flikr page so everyone can go look at that junk. So click on Allens Flikr for some sho nuff bad-assed-ness.

Ordinary Life, and how Ive come to love it

I guess its a weird place to be, single, just out of college (or out for 2 years in my case), working, and trying to figure out your role in the world. It seems that the idealism of college, and college ministry, make it an even harder place to be...assuming that while in college one was involved in such a ministry.
I saw a friend of mine who now lives in Brazil a few nights ago. He was asking me about life and how I was doing. We hadn't talked in some time and the last time we did was in an email in which I was extremely pissed about my work and life situations. I was hating my job, the ethics of it. I make commercials that attempt to cohearse (probabably spelled wrong) people into buying $42,000 automobiles. Not something that I really enjoy the thought of. (another post I suppose) But at that time also I was going to a church where I didn't feel like I fit in. I was angry all the time. I was living over an hour from where I work. Trying to live out two lives really. One with friends at the University I'd just graduated from, and another at work with people I cared little to nothing about. All that coupled with the idea of a possible escape to another more palletable culture, and a greater since of purpose, life in Brazil as a missionary, seemed to be a great idea for me....thus the email to my friend who is the missionary there. Well obviously when he heard my answer to his "How's life?" question he didn't really understand how I wasn't so angry anymore. To be honest remembering that email and where he and I had left our conversation so many months ago I didn't understand either.
I suppose my story is just that...mine...and it can't be anyone elses, no matter how much I wish to conform my friends stories to my own. Its like Aslan told Shasta when he was asking why Aslan had hurt his friend Aravis. Aslan says, "Im telling you your story, I tell no one any story but their own." And thats kind of a beautiful thing. Its actually the exact same thing Jesus told Peter on a beach a long time ago. But I digress. But again, thinking about why Im not so angry and discontent with my life these days has been good for me. I have to keep going back to the idea that I feel at home now. There's something very unsetteling about wanting to be somewhere else. And really all that desire is, is a choice. I chose to stay in Birmingham, to make it my home. Im not wondering if its better somewhere else, or if I'll be happy somewhere else. I just made up my mind to stay here, and be committed to being here. Living, working, worshipping, and praying for the peace of the city, while working toward it.

29:7 And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive, and pray to Jehovah for it; for in the peace of the city you shall have peace.

That verse has become very close to me. I understand its in the context of the Babolonian captivity and all that but still. It's pretty fantastic. To work toward the peace of my city makes me happy. Working the old 9-5 then retreating back to the suburbs where I don't need to pray for peace (at least you wouldn't think you'd need to) doesn't sound appealing to me.

I guess this is getting long and probably doesn't make much sense to anyone but me, and thats ok. Blogs by nature are self absorbed. But to sum it all up. I don't feel that work fulfills me. Yeah I like working with the junk I work with and hope one day to do some cool stuff with it that will move people to think differently about who they are, but Im not doing that now, and Im ok with it. Im content I think with life, and work, because work affords me the opportunity to live, and to live in my city and work for its good. Also I think that purpose is larger than sharing the gospel and seeing people saved. It is that but its not just that. Working toward structual change in the culture of the city where I live is a very spiritual endevor. Working toward right ethical treatment of my neighbors, helping them get a fair shot at life. These are good things. I guess it boils down to a shift in thinking what a good life is. And I feel God's been shifting me for about two years now. Im sure He'll keep on shifting me, or at least walking beside me beating up some of my friends, and reminding me that He'll tell them their story later, but now I need to listen to mine.

Don't Waste Your Blog

One of my best friends has been batteling cancer, lymphoma to be exact, since June. He had actually been cleared about two weeks ago. The doctors said he was clean, no cancer and he had even been working for about two weeks prior to that report from the doctors. All of that came after several complications, so to seem him doing so well was so great. I don't think I'd ever seen him so happy. I guess one looks particularly lively after being close to the other end of the spectrum.
Well recently he started feeling bad and come to find out the doctors say that the lymphoma has moved into his bone marrow. This means more chemo, and a bone marrow transplant. This is more serious than last time and has come to everyone, it seems, as quite a shock. Im not sure how anyone is handeling it. Ive kind of been reeling since I heard and still can't quite wrap my hands around it.
I emailed a good friend of ours in Brasil to tell him about it, at my friends request. Emerson in turn emailed several of his friends there in Belo Horizonte to begin to pray for his friend. One of Emerson's friend's sent him an article from John Piper (big shot pastor, thinker, theologian, and recently diagnosed cancer patient) called, "Don't Waste Your Cancer." Emerson forwared it to me and asked me to read it and think if it would be appropriate to send to our friend. Apparently he had some issues with it and wanted a second opinion. (He didn't choose me because Im particularly smart, but I speak english better than he does)

The article consisted of these points:

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.
2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift
3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.
4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.
5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.
6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.
7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.
8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.
9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.
10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

I read them and was beside myself with anger. I couldn't believe that he would be so harsh as to say all of that. To think of cancer as a gift?? He can't be serious. I actually take offense to that, and I feel like I can take theological issue with it also. I think that cancer, as well as all disease is due to sin. By that I don't mean that my friend has sinned and therefore has cancer. I think that because people have sinned, humanity has sinned, then humanity deals with the consequences of sin, and one of those consequences is disease. To say that God gifts some people with cancer doensn't sound right to me. Why in the world did Jesus go around healing people if God desires for some people to have the gift of disease? Does God give millions of Africans the gift of AIDS and death? Jesus demonstrated what kind of a kingdom the kingdom of God would be by doing miracles, and most often those were healings. Maybe a better word than healing would be restoring, restoring people to a condition of wellness that they were created to exist in, pre sin, pre disease. God is in process of bringing His kingdom to reign throughout His creation. "Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, ON EARTH, as it is in Heaven." Heaven is the example, the ideal, and the earth is the place that the ideal will be fleshed out. Thats the picture that Jesus' life was painting. My gosh, to say that people are gifted with disease is to say that sin itself is a gift from God, and that God's kingdom would still include disease, and thus sin. Disease comes from the root of sin, not the goodness of God. Yes He is soverign, yes He is just, and I think this is were Piper says that its a gift. If God is soverign and all how can people have cancer and it not be from Gods hand? Well, I think that God, just like a person, (not to humanize God) is not merely defined by His attributes, but also by what He is doing. I am not only defined by my attributes, blonde, male, out of shape, looser...but also by what I am doing...blogger, video editor, nerd. The same is true with God...soverign, all knowing...but also....working toward the total and complete healing of His creation. You don't see the entire picture of what someone is purely by a list of their attributes, you must take into account thier activity.
Maybe none of this makes sense to anyone, but I just cant believe that God gifts people with the results of universal sin. That whole list is devoid of love toward someone fighting cancer. I told my Brasilian friend that I wasn't going to send that article to our friend. I also told him that I do think that our friend can use the situation that he is in to bring glory to God by the way he handles it, but also that if he doesn't handle it particularly well, if he doesn't share his faith with every one of his nurses, if he doesn't pray, if he is so angry with God that he doesn't even want to think about it, and if he doubts that God is there at all, that I think God still loves him very much and desires for him to be made well. That's the kind of God that He is, and I know that not simply because of a list of attributes but because of what He has been in the process of doing all throughout history.

(just as a side note. by no means do I agree with Piper on this, and yep, Im pretty pissed about that article...but I realize also that Piper is himself dealing with this disease and is tryin very hard to come to terms with God the very same way that my freind, and all of us that surround his situation are. I think that it is easy for Piper to view God in the way described in the list and it helps him deal come to terms with his situation. I don't think that makes him right, but he needs to be shown that same grace that I was talking about even if someone were to shut God out completely. No matter what, even if Piper is dead wrong on this (and he may not be) God still loves him and wants him well. And I need to learn how to disagree and not be angry.)

DaRicous is smarter than me...

So Ive been going to this housing project to hang out with some younger guys for about 6 or 7 months now. I go with other folks from my church and try to learn how to love people that I normally don't spend time with (trying to change that) that are right here in my community. (The project is like three blocks from where I live)

I love my church, and Im beginning to be more tolerant of some of the people there. There are a lot of folks, including myself, at church who seem to be searching for some peace, some healing from being burnned by the church in the past. So there's a great deal of cynicism...and Im a part of that. Along with the cynicism comes a lack of sincerity, I feel. And along with that comes a relaxed attitude about sin, and really, a misunderstanding of grace. Now I know not all people at my church are in the same boat as me (a good thing). Some are serious about their sin and others are perhaps even more cynical than I am. And really the cynics of my church probably are in the minority, we're just louder...it actually seems the further one tends toward cynicism, the louder one gets.

But last night at SouthTown I saw a completely different point of view. We had a speaker talk to the kids, then we broke up into smaller groups. One guy, DaRicous, said he didn't want to be in the group with the speaker, where I thought he would be because that's where all his friends were, but wanted to talk with me instead. (Another guy that comes from the church had said that he asked DaRicous some tough questions a few weeks earlier and said that DaRisous really had been thinking about them) So I asked him, "What do you think it means to walk with God?" He said, "Believe Him. Belieive Jesus died for your sins." But then I asked if he actually knew what was taking place when Jesus died for a persons sins. He said, "Not really." So we talked about what sin deserved, death, and what Jesus did, the fulfillment of justice. Then it came..."Man, I think everybody should go to hell....I mean we all sinners it don't make sense that someone shouldn't go to hell"
And at that point I knew that DaRicous understood something that I don't. We really are an awful group of people, and don't deserve anything but hell. We got to talk a little more about justice, and then a higher concept than justice....grace. But DaRicous didn't seem to understand grace. But then again maybe he's one of the few people I know that actually does.

"I'm God's child."

Last night I met some friends for dinner at Rojo, a local bar / restraunt / hipster hang out close to my apartment. I have to admit, I enjoy reminding people that I live close enough to walk when they ask if I want to ride with them. Somehow I find a little satisfaction remembering it myself. (I often wonder if I'll ever live in a cooler place than I do now. I also often answer myself, "hopefully, but not likely.") So one of my roommates, another newer friend, his friend, and I walked up to Rojo. We got there ate our food and sat and talked. Apparently there was some mix ups with our orders. To make up for it the bartender / host I suppose, gave us some free deserts; deep fried burritos with cheesecake filling. It was very nice and unnecessary of him, but we obliged to our host's kindness / ploy for contined business.

After sitting for a while chatting we decided to leave. I was ready to go actually, and I thought it only reasonable because tables were valuable and we'd been there quite a while and had recieved free stuff. It seemed our welcome was about to wear thin. On our way out we stood there and asked eachother what else we planned on doing. "Nothing," was the general concensus. So we agreed to go to the married couple's house and do our nothings together. Nothing always seems more bearable with company. Well as we were walking past the laundry matt a guy sitting there asks us for some money or to buy him dinner. I've been reading, thinking, and studying a good bit lateley about poverty and its roots. And for sometime I've felt a little softer to people who are in need. So I walked up to the guy and started talking to him. My friends kinda kept their distance. I told him I'd buy him some dinner if he wanted, but I wouldn't give him money. He kind of reluctantly agreed, so I told my friends, still at a decent distance, that I'd catch up later.

"What's your name, man?" I asked. "Cocoa." He said. We went inside, looked at the menu and he asked, "What's my limit." I just said, "Well what do you want." He chose a Philly Cheesesteak, my usual, and some Sprite. We ordered then went back outside to sit and chat. He's been through a lot. His story wound around highways from Cleveland to his Aunt Brenda's house in Tarrant, to Soutside where we now sat. He's a kinda shy guy, taked of being abused as a kid, and thus feels he's led a double life. Turns out he's gay, but doesn't want to continue with the lifestyle. In the back of my head I wonder if he singled me out because he thought I was gay. I think these days people tend to think Im gay more than they think Im straight. It actually doesn't bother me, just wonder how I can use this to help some people. Anyway we ate and continued talking. When he was done with dinner we got up and walked out, still talking. I had suggested that he try to make it back to Tarrant to his Aunts', at least then he could sleep freely. He agreed that was his best option. So he asked if I could take him there. I was a litte taken back. After all I didn't know if this guy wanted to rob me, shoot me, or do gay stuff with me or what. I told him that I would call my roommate and see if he'd go with us, and if he would I'd take him there. I called, he couldn't go. I called another friend, no luck. I tried to call two taxi companies, strike 3 and 4. Finally, we were walking around and I said, "Look man I want to help you, but for all I know you've got a gun waiting to rob me. I have to watch myself because Im too trusting and I want to help people and one day Im gonna get myself in trouble." He said, "You know Im the same way, try to help someone and always get the ass end of the deal." So we contiuned to walk and try to reason our way through this together. Then all of a sudden, "Im God's child." Cocoa told me. "I believe that," he continued. I looked him in the eye and said, "You don't have anything, and if I can't trust you, what do you have? Let's go get my car."

I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do or not, but I was sure that whatever happend, if he was going to rob me or whatever, he was going to know that I believed he was a child of God, maybe even more so than he did. Either way he was going to know that I thought he was valuable. So we got in the car after the walk back to my apartment. I drove him to Tarrant, talking all the way there about God, sin, homosexuality and how come after God destroyed Sodom and Gammorah there were still gay people, and how it just didn't make sense to want to be with another guy. (His words not mine) We got there, he gave me his aunts phone number, then supprisingly his cell phone number with Alabama area code. I didn't have the heart to question why he had a cell phone if he needed me to buy him dinner. I told him I'd call him and pick him up and take him with me to church today if he wanted. I've yet to call but its close to that time.

I couldn't walk away from him not doing all I could for him. I can't try to understand people in need, thinking that they can make it out, while treating them like they are hopeless, or less of a person that I am. I still don't know if it was the smartest thing to do or not, but all is done and all is well as far as I can see. Hopefully he can change and get a job. Hopefully he really believes he's God's child.

Full apartment.

Well got an apartment full of guys now. If only I were gay it would be a dream come true. Just my luck, such is not the case. I really wasn't looking forward to have all those folks there. Earlier this week I was thinking how much I'd like to live alone again. Im a pretty selfish guy. I was pretty much out of it the first week or so that everyone was back. I just wanted my space, my quiet, to watch my tv when I wanted and to have access to my xbox so I could play football whenever the desire struck me. But slowly Im coming around. It was weird just last night I was sitting there talking to Jeff and honestly I'd never felt more at home. Its quite the opposite of what I expected. I expected that when everyone moved in that I would have less life to be lived in the apartment. Less space, less access to the pottie, more dishes to wash, and more trips to the grocery store. That may be true but I have more life. Ive said it before but there really are things about me that only certain people can bring to life, and with all my roomates there I feel more whole that when Im alone. I have less space to live, but more life in me. Its a strange thing, but its true. We are a people that must live in commuinity, and when we do we start to really live. Im sure I could survive on my own, and next week Im sure I'll want to give that a try again, but I don't think I can live as a whole person without my friends. Im glad they're there, and Im a better person because of it.

Weddings for 70 year olds.

Im not quite sure if my grandparents are acutally 70. They will eternally be 50 to me. But they got married, or renewed their vows all the same this past saturday. Its kind of funny that to me they will always seem 50, and they've been married 50 years. I guess to me that means they are eternally inseparable. PopandGranny. Never one or the other, always both. Their service was really quite sweet. Its great seeing your Pop tell his wife that she's his best friend and he couldn't make it without her. And its great seeing Granny tell her Pop that she loves him more than she knew was possible. Its pretty fantastic really. The old country preaher that was doing the cerimony was kinda profound in the simplicity of what he said...and quite theologically estitue. He said that the goal of marriage was to establish a household, fulfilling our cultural mandate from God. (I added that last part to show how smart I think I am) but thats what he was getting at anyway. And as I looked out at the congregation, you see I was on stage putting tapes into the modest sound system, I saw so many people that had come into existence because of their marriage. Im one of them. My parents household was because of my grandparets and mine will be because of both of them. To see how many people can result from one marriage kinda blew me away. It was quite beautiful to have all the people that resulted from Pop and Granny there to celebrate their marriage with them. Its hard to imagine anyone happier than I was to see them exchange rings, but I know everyone there was probably just as choked up. It really put in perspective what love and marriage are about. It kinda made me want it, kinda just made me glad to be a part of a family. It made me love Pop and Granny more, and caused me to be thankful for them, and thankful that God put me in their family.